5 Times Danny smokes 1 time he doesn't
by 5Datesor2000Dollars
Summary: This is the first of a 6 Part series. A prompt I got from Tumblr "5 times Danny smokes a cigarette and one time he doesn't" I apologize now if it takes me forever to post the rest, this is my first fic and was super nervous about it. Huge thanks to Beth (bethofbells) for her beta skills and her encouragement. Also big thanks to @mindiangrowl on twitter for her "shove" of support.
1. Carpe Diem

She was all alone talking to a pigeon. She looked like a crazy person, but she was just the kind of crazy he could go for. Gazing at her silhouette from behind, the dress she wore doing amazing things for her curves- the curves he dreamt about running his hands over numerous times.

The thoughts in his head had been going back and forth for a good 5 minutes. Was that a moment? She had looked into his eyes as if she could see the whole world in them. Surely not, she was just sad, looking for a connection with someone, anyone. He walked to the window. Did she really ask him to get a breath of fresh air? He thought long and hard about that one. No way was he going to be some consolation prize, because the idiot she really wanted was a no show. She'd really liked his dance though, That was something, wasn't it? Just as he mustered up the courage to go and join her he saw a tall, slim figure approach her. Cliff.

Oh well... That's what you get for wasting time Castellano. She got the one she wanted and you get to sit on the sidelines and watch it go down. Kicking himself for not seizing the moment, the ache in his chest was getting stronger every second. He had to get out of there. He backed away from the window as Cliff leaned in and kissed her.

He left Mindy's office and marched toward his own, where he grabbed his coat and a pack of cigarettes he left hidden in his drawer in case of emergencies or moments like this- and let's be honest moments like this were pretty much an everyday occurrence. Mindy was always jumping from one guy to the next, not in a bad way but that they couldn't keep her attention. What made him think he could keep her attention?

Danny made his way down to the stoop, parking himself on the bottom step as he pondered his missed opportunity. He lit up and took a long cleansing drag, hoping that with each exhalation his bruised ego would slowly heal. He thought about how quickly his window had closed. Flicking the ashes carelessly on the sidewalk he heard a familiar noise behind him – Mindy clearing her throat in disapproval.

Close behind Mindy was Cliff, a hand placed securely on her waist. "Daniel Castellano! How many times do you need to be reminded how bad these things are for you?" she said, pulling the cigarette from between his fingers and tossing it on the ground. Danny glared at her in astonishment. "What the hell Mindy!" He yelled as he stood and fixed his pant leg. Cliff moved in closer as if to protect Mindy from Danny's words.

Realizing he had just yelled at his best friend, sheepishly he apologized "Sorry Min, it's been a long day, I – I just needed a break.

Taking Cliff's hand and turning towards Danny, she said, "It's ok, but you should know better, you're a doctor dammit!" Then lowering her voice to a whisper, "It worked Danny, the plan worked " Her head gesturing towards Cliff, a huge smile beamed from her face.

"Yeah I see that, that's great." He lied.

He watched from the stoop as Cliff took Mindy's hand and they walked side by side, probably back to his place or hers, whichever was closer. At that moment Danny made a promise to himself that the next time he had a chance to let Mindy know how he really felt, he would seize the moment and never look back.


	2. The Replacement

It had been three weeks since Danny had broken up with Mindy and he thought things would be better by now, that they would be friends again. He didn't realize how different things would be without her in his life on a day-to-day basis...the simple things like having lunch together or hanging out in the doctor's lounge were a thing of the past.

But the thing he missed the most were the subway rides to and from work, it was really the only time they spent together alone and could just truly enjoy each other's company. He could tell her things in those moments he could never tell anyone else, he could show her a side of himself that he never dared show anyone else.

By the time Danny had finished up the last of his paperwork it was almost eight o'clock. He must have lost track of time. Recently Danny had been waiting around after office hours to avoid awkward silences and to give Mindy the space she so obviously desired. She hadn't really spoken to him since that fateful night and he wasn't oblivious to the fact that every time he entered a room she was in she promptly found a reason to leave it.

He wasn't an idiot he could read the signs, but he always felt it was just a matter of time before she came around. It's too soon, just give it a couple more days, maybe another week will do it, he often told himself when feeling rejected by the woman he called his best friend.

But tonight was one of those nights when maybe he should have left a bit earlier. He grabbed his jacket and bag and started his walk towards the closest subway station.

The train pulled into the station and as Danny shoved his way into the crowded subway car he could hear the distinct nasal cackle of his colleague, the one who had suddenly become Mindy's best buddy, her go to guy… Peter!

Danny recalled hearing Mindy and Peter talk about going to dinner together after work, but he hadn't listened closely enough to find out where, but here they were side by side on the same subway car as him.

They hadn't noticed him get on and he preferred it that way. Danny managed to find an empty seat about five spots down on the opposite side of the car; he could see just the tiniest glimpse of them through the space left between the pole and a fellow commuter holding onto it.

Peter was obviously telling Mindy some ridiculous story, as she was laughing so hard she snorted. But Danny could only catch a snippet of their conversation before the subway PA system blocked them out.

"Peter stop it...oh my god stop! I just laugh snorted, you can't do that to me' I don't want some guy on the subway who could be my future husband to hear me laugh-snort, first impressions are everything" Mindy squealed in indignation. "Well if any guy heard that, they won't be your future anything" replied Peter.

All Danny could think was not long ago it was him making her laugh so hard she got a stitch in her side, he was the one making her face light up with a smile so wide it stretched from ear to ear, he was the one she'd be swatting at out of annoyance like she was doing to Peter right now.

Before he could hear more of their conversation, they were getting up from their seats and headed for the doors. Danny noticed something odd they weren't getting off at either of their normal stops. They were probably going off to a bar or coffee shop he thought to himself, wondering if he had always been this jealous when Mindy hung around other guys.

...Yes he had! Somehow that ugly green monster reared its head every time another male so much as looked at her. He claimed he was just being protective when he would tug her arm to lead her in the other direction, away from the offender. Yes he was protective of her, he cared about her, but if he was being true to himself it was almost always fueled by jealousy and maybe he was even being a tad territorial.

It didn't make it any easier when most of the guys she got around with were a bunch of creeps and dirt bags, save maybe for Morgan...but then again he was kind of stalkery with the way he knew things about her personal life. Danny shivered at the thought that Mindy had almost slept with Morgan after her breakup with Casey.

He figured at least she was hanging around Peter, he was the only one who knew Danny and Mindy had dated so at least he would be there to listen to her and comfort hated that he had hurt Mindy so badly and that he couldn't be the one to comfort her was killing him. God why did he always screw things up he thought to himself, they could have been good together but he let his fear get the best of him.

He couldn't take it anymore; his heart was starting to race, feeling the weight of his guilt bearing down on his chest. He had to get out... out of this constricting subway car that seemed to be haunting him with images of his best friend...he needed air. He had to shake this feeling of being strangled by the consequence of his actions.

The train pulled into the next station, Danny quickly got up and exiting the car swiftly pulled his jacket off. He swerved through the crowd then taking the stairs two at a time he reached the top and leaned against the nearest wall while hordes of people passed by him.

Catching his breath he casually pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and took one between his lips. Lighting it up he took a long haul and proceeded to blow smoke rings up at the moon.

His hands were shaking a bit so he took a few more drags and let the smoke enter his lungs fully. Enjoying the relaxing feeling that was taking over his body, his heart slowing to a normal pace again he began to walk.

Realizing he had gotten off the subway pretty far from his place the thought of taking a cab entered his mind, but it was a nice night and honestly one cigarette just wasn't cutting it. He tossed the butt of his now extinguished cigarette on the ground, simultaneously taking another from the pack and lighting it effortlessly.

The thought occurred to him that if he and Mindy were still on speaking terms, hanging out together or even dating, there's no way in hell she would have let him get away with smoking one let alone two cigarettes in one night.

She would have told him he was being stupid and that he should know better...he knew it was only because she cared. The thought that Mindy even gave a rat's ass about him made him feel like the biggest idiot on the face of the earth.

Danny had taken her friendship and love and thrown it away, all because he was scared. Well he wasn't a kid anymore he had a choice, not like when his dad had left. And he wasn't going to be an idiot and let his relationship fall by the wayside while he focused on his career like he had with Christina. He was a grown man, he was going to take responsibility for his actions and lay it all on the line.

He rounded the corner at the end of his block, the 20 minute walk having somewhat cleared his head. He hadn't figured it all out, how he was going to win her back but he knew he had to do something. This was Mindy, his colleague, his best friend, the love of his life... he couldn't let her go on with her life not knowing what she meant to him, not knowing the way he felt about her, not knowing he didn't want to be replaced.


	3. Almost Doesn't Count

Mindy left to go home, waving a quick goodbye adding "I'll see you in a year Danny. Take care." As she walked out of the doctor's lounge, the crushing void of knowing that was the last he would see of her for another year enveloped him. She was leaving for Haiti the next day and all he was left with was the memory of his almost-kiss with Mindy.

What had he been thinking? She was his colleague, his friend and she had a boyfriend; had he been privy to that information before he had removed her glasses, this situation wouldn't have happened. "Casey and I got back together;" god, it just kept playing over and over in his head!

Running it through his mind, he couldn't even rationalize what he'd been thinking. It was all a blur...had there even been anything on her glasses? Ugh...and who says schmutz anymore anyway?! _Man_, _you really dug yourself a hole now Castellano_. _Good thing she'll be gone for a year…365 days should be enough time for her to erase this from her mind_.

Danny turned off the TV, giving one last look around the lounge. How could he ever be in this room again and not think of that moment? Of Mindy and her short haircut? He really didn't hate it if he was being honest. Somehow it seemed to make her brown eyes shine and sparkle even more. The eyes he thought were looking down at his lips. The eyes that seemed to give her away. Had she wanted to kiss him too?

Danny chose to walk instead of taking the subway home. It had rained during the night and it was almost daylight. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. Too bad the weather didn't match his mood. He pulled a cigarette from his pack and promptly lit it, not waiting for his common sense to kick in and force him to put it out.

Thinking about what lay ahead, he let himself indulge. He was headed home to an empty apartment (he guessed one upside to this was that he could now smoke freely in his apartment without Christina on his ass about it). Because as much as Danny loved his alone time-and he was the furthest thing from what Mindy called a "social butterfly"-the one thing he hated in life was an empty house.

It reminded him of being a kid, coming home from school and no one to greet him. His mom worked two jobs most of his childhood; by the time he and Richie got home from school, she would've left for her second job. Danny would usually find a note on the kitchen table with instructions for heating up dinner. So he'd set his little brother up at the kitchen table to do his homework while he re-heated supper.

His mom would usually get in around eleven o'clock or so. Danny would have put Richie to bed and he'd wait up watching Cheers or his favorite, Miami Vice, depending on what night it was. His mom would come in, give him a kiss on top of his head and then go in and kiss Richie goodnight. For whatever reason, he just always felt better when his mom was home, like everything was going to be ok.

Danny took a long pull off his cigarette, flicking the ashes to ground and watching them flit around him as he walked.

It was weird to him, but it also kind of made sense that as much as he berated Mindy for her colorful wardrobe (not to mention her loud opinions on anything and everything) he was really going to miss her. Just the thought of subway rides without her chatter and lunch breaks, gave him a sense of intense melancholy. Without Mindy cajoling him into some stupid stunt, and the lack of her presence in the doctors' lounge at the hospital, Danny felt his insides twist uncomfortably.

All the times they had spent there together led to that very moment. Danny wasn't one to believe in serendipity, but damn if he didn't feel that exact second the stars had lined up. It all led up to him kissing her or rather almost kissing her as the case may be.

This all confirmed once again it was much better to be a realist-leave the dreaming and romance to teenage girls. Real life wasn't made of movie perfect moments and symphonic climaxes where the boy always gets the girl. Where the hell had this even come from?! What was he thinking? He didn't love Mindy; he was just really going to miss her company...that's all, nothing more.

As Danny stubbed out his cigarette on the closest wall, he stopped for a moment. Ahead of him he could see the sun peeking up from behind a building, and almost like in the movies, it dawned on him: he had always had feelings for Mindy, but there was always something in the way. Other men. Other women. Stupid fights. And yes, this time technically it was another man, but deep down Danny knew it was him; he was blocking his own happiness.

He blocked himself from loving Mindy, so scared of her sunshine-y personality and the way she challenged him. Not just physically (god that woman was strong), but emotionally and he didn't care for it. She made him want to be a better person and that terrified him...changing for another person. Danny used this as his defense whenever the thought of Mindy as more than a friend came into mind.

Danny always thought of himself as a strong person, not easily swayed by other people's influence or opinion, but things were different with Mindy. She had been the one constant in his life over the last few years and though they fought like cats and dogs, he knew she loved him for who he was.

None of that mattered now. The one person he really wanted in his life was probably at the airport all ready to board a plane to Haiti.

Danny entered his apartment and immediately grabbed a beer from the fridge and lit another cigarette. It was five o'clock somewhere and it had been a long night. Seated on the couch he glanced around the room. Everything looked the same. Funny how a person can leave a place but it still looks the same as if they were never there. Mindy on the other hand leaves a path of destruction wherever she goes.

Danny had always considered himself an honest person, not one to lie to himself or anyone else for that matter. But even though he realized he loved Mindy more than should be possible, the thought of coming home to a lonely apartment every night is more than even he can handle. So for the first time in a very long time, he denies the truth. He convinces himself that he loves Christina and she loves him and no matter what it takes, they're going to make it work. As much as he would love to be the strong I-don't-need-anyone-manly-man, he can't bear this. He picks up the phone and dials…it's ringing…

"Yeah Danny, what is it… did I forget something at your place?"

"No Chris, I'm just...I'm sorry, I was wrong. Can we try again, please? Please come home."

She'll be there in 10 minutes and Danny sighs. Maybe from relief, maybe he's holding back tears. Whatever it is doesn't matter, because at least he's not alone.


End file.
